Oulipo Canada Dry

Here's the latest in my series of permutations of The Insult that Made a Man Out of "Mac." This one is an attempt to create a Canada Dry. According to The Oulipo Compendium, a Canada Dry is fake constrained writing-- a work that seems like the product of a constraint, when it actually isn't.

You'll have to let me know if I pulled it off. For comparison, here again is an actual constrained comic from 2010, an N+7. Every major word and image was replaced by the seventh word of the same type (noun, verb, adverb, adjective) following it in a dictionary.